The five conflict styles (Thomas-Kilmann)
The Thomas-Kilmann model maps how a person handles conflict along two axes: assertiveness (how hard they push for their own outcome) and cooperativeness (how much they factor in the other party's outcome). The five resulting styles — Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, Accommodating — each solve for different situations. The signal isn't which style you have, it's which one you overuse.
What each style is for
Competing — high assertive, low cooperative. Best for emergencies and unpopular-but-right calls.
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative. Best for high-stakes decisions with time to invest.
Compromising — moderate both. Best for peers with equal power and moderate stakes.
Avoiding — low both. Best for trivial issues or when emotions need to cool.
Accommodating — low assertive, high cooperative. Best for relationship-preserving on low-stakes items.
Start your free read — question 1 of 6
Something's wrong between you and someone else. What do you actually do?
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Which style causes the most damage when overused?
Chronic Avoiding is the most silently corrosive — issues compound because no one raises them. Chronic Competing burns relational capital fast but is visible, so it usually corrects. Chronic Accommodating breeds resentment and eventually explodes. EQIQs flags a teammate's likely default and their fall-back under stress, which is often a different style entirely.
How EQIQs uses conflict style
Conflict style is one of the 21 frameworks EQIQs blends. It's especially valuable paired with attachment style (which predicts how safe the person feels in conflict) and Big Five Neuroticism (which predicts arousal intensity). Together they explain not just what a person does in conflict, but why the same person handles the same conflict differently on different days.